He's in the zone!!

The bus ride to the DMZ is educational in two ways. First, as you might expect, you learn a few random facts about the area. The tour guide saw to it that we were learning these facts by calling people out when they stopped paying attention to talk. She also quizzed us occasionally to see if we could recall what we’d learned. Here’s what I learned: The last bridge you go over en route to the site was built by the founder of Hyundai. He defected from North Korea 50 years ago after selling his family’s cow. He then built an empire in the South. Years later, he decided to pay his family back for the cow. He gave them 1001 cows, reasoning that he owed a thousand more as “interest”. However, the bridge that was in place would not support a thousand cows, so he built a large and modern bridge. This bridge, I will remember forever, is nicknamed “cow bridge”. I don’t remember its actual name, but I do remember that, because “Laura” the tour guide used it as a quiz question to see who was paying attention about… 500 times? Give or take.

Cow bridge. Very important.

So, I’ve been to the DMZ now and I have returned alive (and non-kidnapped!). Hurray! It’s a surprisingly fun experience. Despite the close proximity of land mines just behind the fences and the poor bored soldiers tasked with preventing unauthorized photographs, the tour has a certain “gee whiz, look at that” feeling. The mood was strangely jocular. I bought a wooden figurine of a smiling pig at a gift shop. There are statues that look like Fisher-Price versions of Korean soldiers. There was even an igloo with the letters DMZ in colored snow over the entranceway. Here you are at the doorstep of a no man’s land, a 4 kilometer wide strip of land where you could be shot for trespassing, and the atmosphere is bizarrely whimsical. Why were there figurines of smiling pigs? Why are there t-shirts with smiling cartoon soldiers? Is this for real?

The funniest part was from the movie. The first area of the tour was tunnel #3. About 50 years ago the North built some secret tunnels into South Korea. The South became aware of the tunnels after an engineer of one of them defected and told the government everything he knew. At the site of the tunnel was a building you go into right after getting off the bus, and pretty much all that’s in there is a movie screening area. You watch a movie that’s about 5 minutes long that first does a quick rundown of the history of the DMZ before switching tones entirely to extol the virtues of the DMZ as a natural reserve. The narrator talks about all the wildlife that now flourishes there and we get to see images of them. Mostly it’s a lot of very impressive looking birds, but right in the middle comes one of the strangest pieces of narration I’ve ever heard. He’s been rattling off a list of animals, “The white heron… The large Chinese sparrow” or whatever, and then he drops this gem: “And the living natural fossil… The goat.”

WHAT??

The living natural fossil?? What the hell does that mean?? Is he implying that a goat is an obscure creature almost lossed to the sands of time and that it is therefore for special and extraordinary that we have the priviledge of seeing them munching on grasses between two sets of soldiers? Goats! Who gives a rat’s ass?

The tunnel was really great. You ride some little mine cart train down 300 meters at about 2 miles per hour. The mine cart is in a tunnel that is smaller and narrower than “the” tunnel, the one that the North Koreans built. It’s so cramped in there and the place is lit by green track lights overhead. It’s an eerie atmosphere that really makes you feel like you’re descending into a whole different world.

The tunnel itself is a bit bigger, but still pretty small and cramped. It must have been horrible making the damn thing. When the project was abandoned, the North Koreans spread a bit of coal on the walls to try to pass it off as a tunnel built for coal excavation purposes. But the rock is nothing but granite, and there is no naturally occurring coal in the area. It was a feeble cover-up of a tunnel that I can’t imagine ever had any chance of amounting to anything strategically worthwhile. It was just too small to imagine that it could be effectively used for the purposes of staging a surprise invasion. Of course, there are several other tunnels, but even if there are as many as ten, it’s still tough to believe they could have been a worthwhile system of delivering troops. North Korea just seems so pathetic to me most of the time. Their whole state is centered around the military but their military doesn’t really seem to do anything right. These tunnels were probably started in the 50s and none were discovered until the 70s, I believe it was. They were never put to any use and they never can be now. The main impression I took from touring the tunnel was not that the North is so devious, as the tour guide seemed to want us to feel, but rather that this whole project had been a ridiculous boondoggle for them. I’m just not that intimidated by an army that tunnels thousands and thousands of meters through granite only to abandon the project after achieving nothing and attempting to cover their tracks with thin little scrapings of coal.

But anyway, that aside, the tunnel was darn cool.

The next stop on the tour was a lookout. This is where the soldiers had to make sure we didn’t take any pictures. I’m not sure why it’s necessary to prevent pictures. The lookout gives a great view of the Zone, and although it was winter, you could still easily see how it’s such a haven for wildlife during the warmer months. It had a look of tranquility. There are a few roads crossing through it, as there is a factory complex in the Zone, which are run by South Korean business and staffed with North Korean workers. They’re paid $70 a month. This is considered a very good wage. Other than that industrial complex, the zone is devoid of people. It’s a sliver of nature that runs from coast to coast.

Finally, we stopped at a train station. Over the last few years, the trans-Eurasian railroad system has made huge strides. It’s now possible to take a train from London, or Lisbon, all the way to Vladivostok on the extreme Eastern end of Russia. Soon, that rail system will connect through North Korea into Seoul and past that down to Busan, on the Southern coast of Korea. This is the last train station in South Korea. There is one train a day that goes into the North, on the way to Pyongyang. It’s now empty, except when a busload of tourists arrives. It’s the most decorative empty train station in the world. There are huge murals on the wall with symbolic depictions of unity. Images of clasped hands and people dancing together are over the rows of empty chairs where no passengers are waiting. When the trans-Eurasian railroad connects to this station, these murals will find a much bigger audience, but for now, it’s as surreal as anything at the DMZ.

That was the tour. It was quite interesting, and I may go again in the summer, this time taking the longer tour. It should really be a sight during months of higher visibility and when all the animals have returned to the site. Going in the winter did have one advantage though. I imagine that touring in the summer makes it all less surreal.